Being a mommy is rewarding and fulfilling but, it can also be really lonely without some mom friendships. Seriously though, how can it be lonely?
You know the saying “being a mom is the most rewarding job in the world!”? I agree that it truly is. But, let’s be real, most days it doesn’t actually feel like that.
Then right as you are about to lose your sh** after asking your kid to put his shoes on for the tenth time, while he is running away with his sister’s favorite toy as she is screaming, he comes back with “mommy I love you so much”! You look into those big bright eyes and know he really actually means it and you are reminded of why you chose this crazy path called “motherhood”.
Mom Life is Hard
As a mom, you are being pulled on, demanded, requested, loved on, smothered and on and on all day, every day, by the little miniature humans that you created. By the end of the day, all you really want is to crawl into a hole with your bottle of wine and an Ipad so you can literally Netflix and chill by your damn self in solace for a few hours.
I am not talking lonely in the sense of being bored and having nobody around. I am talking lonely like you need someone to talk to that isn’t your husband or kids.
You need a real adult conversation about the important things in life… you know, like Bradley Cooper in a Star is Born, how am I going to get rid of this cellulite on the back of my thighs, or the super awesome score from Home Goods that you didn’t need but just had to have.
Sister, you need to start making mom friends and find your mom-tribe.
Two in a half years ago, I had no mom-tribe. Hell, I barely had any friends. My son was just starting preschool at the age of three. I still had his sister at home with me trying to juggle starting a new business in Real Estate and being a mom. I had no friends and seemingly no time.
Fast forward three years and I have a kick a** business in real estate and my mom-tribe is even more kick ass and I have seemingly even less time.
What I’ve Learned
I have learned that you have to make time for the people and things that enrich your life, so I do. My girlfriends keep me sane. They lift me up when I am down. Plus, they let me talk about the stupid things in life (like The Bachelor), they love my kids like their own, they know my personality and my character (flaws and all).
They know that I am the OCD mom that always cleans up behind everyone and can’t handle when my house is in disarray so they let me clean up AND they don’t judge me for it or take it as an invitation to leave.
My mom friends know the highs and lows in my life, they know what I stand for and what I stand against, they know my love for Disney, and most importantly they know that I know all of the same about them and still love them for it.
Where I Met Mom Friends
I met most of my mom-tribe through my kids preschool. One day, I saw this new mom come in with her son who was new to the school. Her son cried every single day for a month at drop off. She had her other infant son in tow, and I jokingly tell her now that she was a hot mess coming in on fire every day for a month straight.
But she owned it! She embraced it and knew it and I looked at her like she was just a mom trying to survive the hell and heartbreak that is having to drop your clingy kid off at preschool when all he has known otherwise was being at home with mommy.
I had been there! I gravitated to her because I knew, like me, she needed a mommy friend. We both did. And we have been incredibly close since.
One of my other mommy friends became my mom friend simply by casually asking me about my makeup one day at drop-off which then turned into a mommy coffee date which then turned into becoming friends. Another one of my girlfriends attracted me to her by her use of the f-bomb.
The first time “hot mess” mommy and I heard “f-bomb mom” drop the f-bomb in casual conversation with us, we looked at each other and said “she is totally our people” and she has been ever since.
It Takes a Village
My mom-tribe came together through the commonality of our kids through school, sports, other friends, etc. but you end up vetting which are your people and who you connect with because we are all different personalities and don’t connect with everyone.
Almost three years later, my mom-tribe now consists of a fairly decent sized group of incredible women, amazing mothers, and human beings. We are all different from each other and offer the group something that nobody else does.
If one of us is sick, the rest are stepping up to ask how they can help with the kids or what they can do. If one of us needs to work or just needs to go grocery shopping by themselves for one hour of alone time, the rest offer to watch her kids and she usually has multiple offers.
Having this tribe of women behind me fills the void of loneliness. They bring joy to my life, enrich my life, and a whole lot of laughter. We have shed many tears together too. I truly believe every mama needs a mom-tribe.
Ways To Make Friends
Here are some ways that I believe are the most opportunistic for making friends.
Your kids’ school. Get involved. Join the PTO, volunteer in the classroom, invite kids from the class (and their parents) over for a playdate to get to know them. Make the effort.
Sports such as tee-ball, ballet, swimming, gymnastics, martial arts, etc. Kids go to play while the parents sit in the “parent section” and watch. So many other parents and moms to meet!
The gym. Find a gym that has childcare, make an effort to meet other parents that frequent the gym when you do. Take a fitness class. Introduce yourself to someone.
The library. The library hosts toddler time, story times, etc.
Baby groups, breastfeeding groups, homeschooling groups, etc.
You Can Do It!
The list goes on and on. You can meet other moms/friends anywhere, not just places geared towards kids. I love grabbing a coffee and taking my kids to Barnes and Noble to hang out and look around.
The point is, you have to get involved, make a little effort, put yourself out there and you will see how many opportunities are available for you to meet a mom-tribe of your own. Your life will be more fulfilled when you have like-minded mommy friends who get and understand you.
Girlfriend, put on your big girl mom undies and go find your mom-tribe. Trust me, you may not know that you need them, but you do!
Christina Jacobsen was raised in Reno where she attended Wooster High School followed by the University of Nevada, Reno. She graduated with a degree in Business Administration and Marketing. Christina is a licensed Realtor with Keller Williams Realty Sparks. She is very active in the Real Estate community. From the Board of Directors for the Women’s Council of Realtors as The Director of Programming and a member of the top 20% Associate Leadership Council at Keller Williams Realty Sparks. Above all, Christina is most proud to be mommy to Colin (5) and Olivia (3) and wife to Colin. She loves all things Disney, especially Disneyland, spending time with her family and working out.